“Reality is just an illusion that occurs due to lack of wine” – Anonymous

A FEW overheard comments this week have shown me yet again that there’s a huge lack of understanding about wine. Perhaps there is about lager and beer as well, but they can fight their own battles.

One couple with local accents standing outside our shop were querying just what the shop was, for a start. She thought it was a new shop and he thought it was a junk shop. Neither comment was welcome, nor do the people making them right outside the shop with the door open seem to think we can hear them.

Now that comment is perhaps more of a problem for our marketing but the windows are full of bottles and a big brass coffee roaster and the sign on the pavement states ‘in the community for the last 20 years’ so perhaps in their case the clues were just not being followed.

That said, the next comment did make me chuckle. “Merlot” (he pronounced it Mer lot), “£18.95 a bottle – what a rip off, it’s under a fiver in Tesco’s.” It’s obviously totally escaped the chap that Merlot is a grape rather than brand and he has obviously walked blinkered past the aisle in his beloved Tesco as they currently stock far more Merlots than I do. Is it true that 30 years after the great wine revolution of the 1980s that we can still know so little?

Then again, a favourite overheard conversation of ours in the shop was held by two ladies who were talking about a friend. One said to the other: “She has done really well for herself, she has got herself on the club.” (I had to ask a friend what that meant but apparently it meant she had managed to get past the various barriers and had successfully applied to be on long term state sick benefits). Seriously, when did that constitute doing well for oneself and is this a career fantasy unique to Whitehaven or is it really a countrywide pandemic of people whose greatest goal in life is to sign on?

I guess I just need to accept that there’s a large percentage of the population for whom a nutty Montrachet or a caramel-dominated Merlot are as distant as space travel is for myself.

Anyway, this column – or what’s left of it – is for those of you who know the difference between an offy and a wine merchant and for whom supermarkets and the lure of their points isn’t the height of chic.

I had to take a break for a cuppa after writing the first part because I was starting to feel guilty about the second part but what the heck, I hate most wine columns where they recommend rubbish at £4.99 a bottle because for me wine is as much about aspiration as a good car or a holiday. So here’s to ruin with fruit and good memories!

Our friend who thought the Merlot at £18.95 was expensive would have had a fit of rage had he seen one of our most popular wines, the incredibly rich Grand Merlot for only £59!

Irvine’s Grand Merlot is seen as the Holy Grail of Merlots by many producers and you understand the minute you take the cork out. Intense aromas of plums and leather hit you in waves while the palate is a thick soup of plums cherries and vanilla. Yes it’s expensive but this fabulous delight is the result of very old vines producing concentrated fruits followed by hand-picking and two years in vat before a further two years in the bottle before release. So it would be a sin indeed to compare it against a £4.99 from the supermarkets.

Then again if he had stumbled on our sumptuous Bottega Amarone for £79 from Italy, resplendent in its studded leather box with a matching studded leather label, he would have had a fit of socialism. He would probably think it was an abomination fit only for Hollywood luvvies or drug-dealers’ wives, but again, he would have been wrong. Once you get past the gorgeous packaging you quickly realise you are in the presence of one of the greats of the wine world. Deep, deep aromas of cherries and tobacco lead into a palate so smooth it’s like taking your taste buds on an ice rink made of smoothies.

Then again our wines don’t need to be dressed like a pimp’s handbag to offend our price-stricken friend as he would have found out had he slipped over a few feet to the French section where he could have indulged in Chateau Haut Bages Liberal from Bordeau for only £49. He could have used that wine to take himself on a trip of taste fantasy to see just how good Bordeaux reds can be if you break his awfully low price point.

Perhaps it’s just as well he didn’t wander over to the French section because he may well have stumbled onto our Port and Madeira section where the wines start in the £40’s and rapidly rise to hundreds of pounds. Dear me, what are we thinking of, stocking such deeply offensive wines in his beloved world of discount prices?

I guess it was really fortunate for his health then that he didn’t turn left when he entered our deeply offensive emporium of decadence because one look at some of the Champagnes could have caused him to have a seizure. I mean why on earth anyone would want to buy a bottle of Perrier Jouet Belle Epoque for £115 when you can celebrate a special occasion in life with a palate-stripping Cava for less than the price of a Subway sarnie?

The point I’m making is that to go through life with such a price-blinkered set of rules that don’t let you even dream about being able to taste some of the world’s finest wines and foods is sad.

Even when we didn’t have two beans to rub together it was my aspiration to aim high and not to criticise others for already being there, so perhaps one day my price-stricken friend will wander back in and let me take him on a world of eye-popping discovery. But I won’t hold my hopes out!

Rioja Vega Gran Reserva: For those of you who frequent some of the best restaurants in the area, you will be familiar with the baby brothers of this wine, the Crianza and Reserva, both of which are soft, smooth and vanilla packed wines making them a cracking and very safe partner with most dishes.

Roda Rioja Reserva: Just to warn our friend to avoid Sainsbury’s supermarkets because they can also offend with wines such as this opulent and rather incredible Rioja. I used to get small allocations of this wine every year and can heartily vouch for its ability to offend with expansive decadent fruits. This is definitely not the Jeremy Corbyn of wines!