The news Doctor Who is to become a woman has nearly stopped the world spinning.

It is, I know, political correctness gone mad.

Honestly, women. What is wrong with them? Not content with being allowed to vote and receive equal pay they now want to spoil a Great British institution.

Doctor Who has always been a man. And even though he is a shape-shifting alien, there are just some unwritten rules out there that can not be broken.

It’s the order of things that interesting, quirky characters must be male. Let’s face it, women are not really that funny, or smart, and tend to spoil things when they have a go at stuff.

The world moves on, but some things can not, must not, be allowed to change.

A female doctor (a lady doctor, if you will), what is that about? Women just can’t let things alone, they always have to spoil things for the lads.

Once upon a time, men knew where they were, and where they could escape without women bothering them.

In golf clubs, round the board tables and in boxing rings, these were bastions of civilised behaviour until women started kicking off, making a fuss and wanted to get in on the act.

And don’t get me started about females wanting to play football, rugby and cricket.

Are they not just satisfied with cheerleading, rounders and a bit of hula-hooping?

Women do not seem to know their place and are wanting more. It’s not enough they want to be heard (as if all that chittering and gossiping about shoes, cocktails and babies wasn’t irritating enough), they now want to be seen.

And so now we have a female Doctor Who. For. God’s. Sake.

All I hope is she won’t spoil it for the real fans (ie males) and isn’t going to go on and on about monthly cramps, baking and how much abuse she receives on Twitter. Because, seriously, she will need to man up and get over herself.

Although, and I don’t want to sound sexist here, on a positive note she could always give that 900-year Tardis a clean while she’s got a moment. Women are good at polishing!

I mean I’m all for equality and that, but would a woman actually know the Timelord is from Gallifrey in the constellation Kasterborous?

Would she understand the complexity of defeating the Daleks and saving galaxies?

This is stuff which needs to be taken seriously, and women can usual become airheads when faced with a crisis.

I can only hope they pair her with a male assistant who will be able to help her with all the hard questions such as how to hold a sonic screwdriver and what to do when a Weeping Angel creeps up on her. And he’ll have to do all the chasing because she’ll be worrying about running in her heels.

Still, I’m not happy about this and may boycott the show. Where will this all lead? Just wait until they try and make James Bond into a female.

That really will be the final straw.